Thursday, June 30, 2011

What Do I Do With This Madness?

It seems that CC has been reading my blog and to get back at me for sharing all her secrets with the internet, she is SUPER into her newest trick.

Standing in the crib.

It was cute. WAS. I admit, I snapped a few pictures, told her how adorbs she was, picked her up, gave her a snuggle, and squealed, "LOOK HOW BIG AND SMART YOU ARE!!!" (kisskisshughugsnuggle)

What a freaking mistake that was.

Now she stands in her crib the very second I put her in it. Tired? Eye rubbing? Red sleepyface? Yes to all this. These used to be the signs that meant it was time to put her to bed. And I was so spoiled. My child slept great whenever I put her down. I didn't have to bribe her in any way. She sleeps almost 12 hours a night and I could just lay her down and she would go right to sleep. But now she is a practicing diva. So that means, she can be so tired her eyes are closed, but she still stands right up and screams at me. And to top it all off, she tosses her paci and lovey out on PURPOSE so she has the excuse to scream louder. This is fun for everyone.

Even the cats are over it.

So now we have trouble. Diva babies usually are. CC is nothing if not determined and absolute in what she wants to do at any moment. However, she is also tired and cranky and she doesn't want to admit that she is to blame. So I think my only option here is to  put Crisco on the crib rails and get a video monitor. Mommy always wins.

"Who's laughing now?"

Friday, June 24, 2011

Is Anyone Ever Ready?

I know this may sound like a "poor me" post, but the truth is, I am feeling super sad about turning down the job I was offered yesterday. I know in my heart that I am not ready for full-time daycare for CC; I am not ready to hand her over for 40 hours a week to a stranger and then drive away. I know this. I do. But I am devastated over missing out on the kind of opportunity I would have had with this job. The people I met during the interview process were amazing. The school was a perfect fit. And, the feeling of being chosen after a year at home as the best candidate, even when they knew I wasn't sure, was amazing. I would have kicked butt next year if I had taken the job. I would have continued to hone my classroom guidance skills, I would have helped kids in so many ways, and I would have contributed everything I had to making my year there one that left a lasting impression on the school and the students. But I said no. It was such an incredibly difficult decision that I don't know if I am ever going to feel 100% sure that I did the right thing.

I did not make this decision all on my own. Obviously there was a great deal of discussion on the homefront, but the truth is that what really started to sway me is the number of working moms I talked to that told me they would quit their jobs if they could to stay home with their babies. I am so lucky to have this option available to me. I know that. And I am in awe of those moms who go back to work whatever the reason. You are braver than I am, and I know that you struggled with your decision as much as I struggled with mine.

Some of you know that we worked hard to have CC. It was a long process to get her here and I always said I wanted to stay home with her as long as I possibly could, because I didn't go through everything I did to have her only to miss out on her babyhood. And I have the privilege now to do just that. But I never anticipated that I would feel as though something else were missing from my life because I am not working. I am worried that the longer I stay out of the field, the harder it will be to get back in, I worry that I am sacrificing part of myself in order to be everything to my child. And, I worry that CC is missing out on her own experiences away from me because I want to be with her. But I believe that I made the right choice yesterday. I just did not expect to feel so much loss from making that decision.

I know CC is still just a tiny bird and that there are so many years ahead of us where she will be out on her own, learning and growing into herself without me there to soak it all in. I know that this time is a gift and that I am incredibly fortunate to be able to stay home with her. I know all this and I know that right now the best thing for all of us is for me to be home with her. Closing a door is always sad, and always makes me think about what could have been. This time I guess I'll just never know.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Let's Talk About My Addiction. And Then Rationalize It.

It may be clear to you that I am a t.v. junkie. I mean, come on, I have a baby. I don't go to the movies. In fact, the last movie I saw in a theater was Shrek 4 when I was pregnant. Lame. And, going out to dinner is pretty much non-existent. I DO eat a lot of take-out, but that is not like when I used to go to nice restaurants and order three courses and pricey drinks and gaze at my baby-daddy through the glow of candlelight and sangria.

So, my source of entertainment these days is pretty much all t.v. all the time. I don't usually have it on during the day because I don't want CC to be like me, but once she's in bed, BAM. Television. I love you.

Summertime is a bad season for t.v watchers like myself. Pretty much every decent show is on summer vacation, and it makes me miss when Beverly Hills 90210 used to run a summer season where everyone worked at the Beach Club and got into trouble and Kelly stole Dylan from Brenda. Now that was some quality stuff. But, don't worry, I DVR old episodes of 90210 on Soapnet. How's that for some serious t.v. lingo?

This summer, I am watching the following shows, in addition to my current line-up of Auction Hunters, American Pickers, Pawn Stars, anything having to do with the Kardashian family, and Design Inc (I am borderline obsessed with Sarah Richardson). So if you want in, set your DVR and then we can talk about all that is good in t.v. land!

TORI AND DEAN sTORIbook Weddings: I am a huge fan of Tori and Dean. I am sure that does not surprise any of you.

"These two just make my whole day brighter."

TRUE BLOOD: Obviously. We have talked about this before. The new season starts Sunday!! Love it.

"I wish I were a vampire." 

FINDING BIGFOOT: Yes. Oh yes. I am a BELIEVER. Like, I am totally convinced that there are Bigfoots and Yetis and I can't wait until they prove it so I can be first in line for when they breed Teacup Yetis for pets. For the record, I also believe in the Loch Ness Monster, ghosts, and UFO's.
"Obvious proof that Bigfoot exists."

TEEN MOM: The original cast is back this summer! I am so excited. Don't judge me. I can't wait to see what Maci has been up to, although if you read trashy magazines, you know that she sometimes parties with Snookie. And they say getting pregnant at 16 is a bag thing!

"THIS is why I watch this crap."

ENTOURAGE: Final season of this show! I love HBO programming. They always take it one step too far and I love it. I especially appreciated the addition of Sasha Grey last season.

"Yes to all of this please."

THE BACHELORETTE: I know you are all vomming in your mouth a little right now, but let me tell you, that is NOTHING compared to Bill's reaction when he realizes it is Monday night and this show is on. He usually makes me watch it Tuesday morning, which I do because I love him. Marriage is all about compromise. Although I have to admit, I am getting a little sick of Ashley whining about Bentley all the time. I mean, COME ON. Show the girl the footage of him being a complete yuckface so she can move on already! It doesn't matter anyway though because I read Reality Steve and I totally already know who wins. If you can call securing a relationship with a girl with that kind of baggage "winning."

"12 Contestants of Bachelorette Ashley Hebert"
"Seriously annoying. But I'll watch it anyway."

P.S. I think it is important to note here that if I were still a Showtime subscriber, I would obviously be watching Weeds, but sadly I have to wait for it to go to DVD so I can Netflix it. So nobody better tell me what happens this season.

"I love this chick."

"I am thinking I might be adopted? Because I would NEVER watch any of this junk. What garbage. Give me NatGeo anyday."

Friday, June 17, 2011

CC's Secrets.

I am a little worried that because my child is adorable, some of you think she is also perfect and charming all the time. No. Let me assure you that she is most definitely quite the little diva when things are not the way she likes them. I can admit that I am very lucky when it comes to things like sleeping (through the night), holding her own bottle (more facebook time for Mommy), eating new things (and smearing them all over her face), and riding in shopping carts (thank goodness, we might have to break up otherwise). But, there are moments when CC's world crumbles around her and she freaks out and lays face down on the floor and screams. Here are some examples of such moments.

1. Getting her face wiped after eating. CC thinks this is some kind of torture. She sees that wet towel coming at her and she immediately throws up her (food covered) hands in a defensive maneuver that leads to a bigger mess (think yogurt and mandarin oranges in the hair). She also turns beet red and shrieks, then tries to turn her face into the high chair and kicks her feet at me. This happens every time she needs her face wiped. Not sure what's going on here.

2. Diaper changes. This did not used to be a problem. However, in the last month or so, CC has decided that when she is laying on her back, the ONLY place she wants to be is on her belly. So she rolls over. Then I flip her back. Then she rolls over again. Then I flip her back and try to hold her down, but she has superhuman baby strength and we end up in a ridiculous wrestling match where I try to keep her feet out of the dirty diaper and try to keep her from plummeting to the floor, while also trying to wipe her behind and put a diaper on her while she is upside down and grabbing the diaper and throwing it across the room. The only thing that distracts her is the light up forehead thermometer, but she usually whacks herself in the face with it and ends up screaming anyway.

3. Having the car keys taken away. Did this at Target yesterday when she set the car alarm off while we were still in the parking lot. She screamed at me pretty much the entire time we were in the store. WHAT IS IT WITH BABIES AND CAR KEYS???

4. Riding in the Ergo for more than ten minutes. CC has always had an aversion to baby carriers, which I am trying hard to rectify, but she seems to think they were all invented with the sole purpose of restraining her and ruining her life. She is cool with the Ergo for a little bit, but inevitably it always ends up with her deciding she has had enough, arching as far back as possible to try to fling herself out of it, and again, turning beet red and screaming in my face, while kicking me in the side and pinching my arms. So you can understand why she almost always rides in the shopping cart.

Don't worry, I love that little bird more than anything, and she also does many, many cute adorable lovely baby things, but I thought you might appreciate this little glimpse into the mind of Miss Thang. She is a diva baby of the highest caliber.

"I really don't believe that these revelations come as a surprise to any of you. And, when I figure out how to type, I will be getting my revenge with a little post all about Mommy."

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Random Musings On A Thursday Afternoon.

Wow. Fail.

So I did not post every day this week, but I swear I'm not lazy. I have been super productive procuring a jogging stroller, going to a job interview, and sanding the walls in my office where the previous owners did an abysmal job of patching over some improperly installed drywall screws. Now lets take a moment to examine each of these things.

One. The jogging stroller. If you know me at all, you are laughing hysterically right now, and remembering the one time I DID run (from the cops in the park at night when I was in high school). However, I was sweetly offered this one for free from one of Bill's cousins, so dammit, I am going to jog. Or at least walk fast. Anything to get the baby jiggle off my butt permanently. My other stroller has a snack container where I hide treats for myself, so I am hoping this one keeps me from snacking on naughty foods when I am supposed to be getting my jog on. I'll let you know how it goes if I don't die first.

Two. The job interview. This is very stressful for me. I am not 100% sure I want to go back to work full-time yet. I would prefer a part-time position, but I have not been called yet for those interviews. So today I went and interviewed for a full-time position that sounds great, and I think I rocked the interview (because they couldn't see that I had a hair elastic keeping my pre-baby pants closed), but I don't know what to say if they call and offer me a second interview. I don't want to leave my baby. But, I would like to be contributing financially around here and have money to spend on Ebay and Etsy without Bill giving me the side-eye every time a package shows up in the mail. What's a girl to do?

And three. The wall. I hate the people that used to own the house. WHY they did some of things in here is beyond me. I wish they would have just left it all alone, because if I have to fix things, I would rather NOT rip out the crap job they did and then have to rip out the crap job that existed in the first place. I prefer to just do things once, thank you very much. Oh well, soon I will be ready to paint and then I can do an actual decorating post and show you a room in my house that is actually finished!

So that's where we are at this week. Riveting stuff, right?

CC the Jogging Drill Instructor.

"I said RUN woman! Don't make me get medieval up in here."

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


My darling girl,

I cannot believe you are already nine months old, and that we have started thinking about your 1st birthday party coming up in just a few months. You are strong and smart, beautiful and bubbly, determined and quite sure of what you want in every moment. You are leaving your babyhood behind and becoming such an amazing little girl. My heart is so full of love and pride every minute of every day.

This month you have mastered the art of clapping your hands! You start this little game first thing in the morning and you just clap all day long. It is adorable. And it makes you so happy when people clap with you! We are trying to teach you to blow kisses, but so far clapping has your heart. Maybe high fives will be next?

You are also crawling now! It is so cute to see you scoot across the floor on your belly. You are not quite up on your knees yet, but I know you will figure it out soon! You are also standing very well on your own, and can pull yourself up in your crib by holding onto the railings. Yesterday you dropped your lovey and paci out accidentally and it was like the end of the world! I found you staring at the ground screaming your head off, and when we reached down to pick them up you snuggled your lovey for about ten minutes before you let me put it back in the crib. You have passion and fire in your spirit, and you can turn the drama on and off like a switch. You make me laugh every day and as your sense of self continues to be defined, I can only watch in awe as you slowly mold into the person you are meant to be.

You laugh all the time now, and it is the most adorable, musical sound I have ever heard. Your Daddy and I spend hours teasing you and tickling you and playing peek-a-boo over and over because the sound of your laughter is just intoxicating. When I was pregnant I used to imagine what it would sound like to hear you talk and laugh, and the reality of it is so much better than anything I could ever have dreamed of. Thank you for making my dreams come true little bird. I love you beyond words. Happy 9 months!

Love, Mommy

Monday, June 13, 2011

Rock Lobster!

When my Mom was visiting last week she showed up with a package from my Aunt Janula, which was very exciting because I love mail and CC loves when people send her stuff. There were some cute little moccasins, a Hawaiian print shirt, and a lobster costume. Oh yes. You read that right. I was beside myself with glee and even though CC was CLEARLY not into it, you know I trussed her right up in that red wonder. She is way too long for it so I had to stuff her little legs into the tail, but don't worry. I only made her wear this humiliation device long enough to snap a few priceless photos. You're welcome.

I am also planning to send this on to my lovely SIL so she can dress my little squishy in it when he is bigger! It is always nice when you can torture two cousins at once!

"Why are you all just sitting there? Don't you want to be an agent of change and put a stop to this madness?"

"I thought Gran-Nan could be trusted but clearly I was mistaken about that."

"Someone has GOT to talk to Mommy. This is starting to get ridiculous."

Friday, June 10, 2011

Slackers Are People Too.

hi peeps! I have been totally neglecting this blog so if you are one of my two friends who check every day, I apologize. We have been distracted by summer and the nice weather and traveling, etc. But, I am trying to be better! So here's what's up. Next week I will try to post every day. I swear. I have updates about our breastfeeding situation, an awesome baby product you must own, or at least buy for someone you know who has a baby, and some fun new pictures of CC rocking an amazing costume that my Aunt Janula sent for her. So, be patient with me and just recognize that I am trying hard to be a good blogger. But really, blogging is kind of like multi-vitamins. You know, you buy a jumbo bottle and start taking them and feel all proud and healthy, then you start making plans to summit Mt. Everest and run marathons and be on Survivor, but then a week or two in you forget that you ever bought vitamins in the first place and you are all worked up because the DVR is empty due to repeat season and there is nothing to watch while you lay on the couch and eat homemade ice cream cones and Cheez-Itz all night. What, just me?

Anyway, CC is annoyed because she thinks me being a slacker will make her less famous and you know she wants her own reality t.v. show, so basically she is forcing me to blog more for her own gains. Clearly she is my child. See you all Monday!
"what's up Bravo?! I'm the next big thing!"

Monday, June 6, 2011


Last Thursday my little nephew was born! He was teeny-tiny and did not even weigh seven pounds, and he has lots of dark hair and looks EXACTLY like my brother. He may just be the cutest thing ever created, and I am already completely and totally in love with his little self. I am sad that he lives across the country and that I can't meet him in person yet, but I think he and CC are going to be great friends and have such fun times together. I am so proud of my brother and sister-in-law and what amazing parents they already are, so everyone wish them luck!

And here he is, my little squishy, otherwise known as Eli!